Love Look Away
by Scarlett88
Summary: Tina contemplates past loves at Will and Emma's wedding reception (4x14). The title is named for the song that Tina sings. The song is featured in the musical and movie 'Flower Drum Song' and I thought it would be the perfect song for Tina.


Tina Cohen Chang rushed up the winding staircase of the Hilton Cincinnati Netherland Plaza, nearly stumbling upon a beautiful lit balcony that oversaw the heart of Cincinnati. "I'm surprised no one's claimed this as a make-out spot," she muttered out loud, surveying the surroundings. The balcony was littered with white twinkly lights and beautiful English Tea roses – Ms. Pillsbury's favorite flower. Tina grabbed a white rose and slowly inhaled. There was a wedding reception going on downstairs without a wedding, and Tina was once again all alone. It started when Mike Chang ended their two year long romance after graduation. He told Tina that things would be better for both of them if they got space rather than try to work out a long distance relationship. Tina had been too stunned to say anything, to beg Mike to reconsider or tell him off for ending their relationship so abruptly. Tina had been spending most of her senior year being bitter over Mike's rebuff; she had poured herself into her music, only to be told that she wasn't 'the new Rachel', and found herself home alone most weekends, thinking of different insults for her now former boyfriend.

And then there was the topic of Blaine Anderson - the guy that she had essentially made a complete fool out of herself for over the past year.

_I have wished before,  
I will wish no more._

Blaine had been too kind to brush off Tina's burgeoning feelings for him. He had known that they were there, and growing considerably. He did his best to play up the 'friend aspect', letting her know as discretely as he could where the boundaries stood.

After seeing Blaine and Kurt making out at the wedding reception, Tina knew all she needed to know about the limits of her relationship with Blaine. There would be no more obsessing over Blaine Anderson. No more vapor rubs, no more late night phone calls, no more plans.

_Love, look away!  
Love, look away from me.  
Fly, when you pass my door,  
Fly and get lost at sea._

Tina still felt lonely, a feeling that hadn't left her since Mike left for school. Chasing Blaine never made her feel better; it made her feelings of desperation even stronger. "I have no one," Tina whispered to the starlit sky, wondering how many lonely souls were drifting out in the world at that very moment.

_Call it a day.  
Love, let us say we're through.  
No good are you for me,  
No good am I for you._

Tina had felt love one other time in her life – when she was dating fellow New Directions member Artie Abrams. Artie was able to look beyond her faux stutter, her gothic dress, her shyness – he still liked her for her. He was the first boy to ever show interest in her, and Tina was thrilled with the attention. It was the first time that she considered the fact that she may not end up living forever with her parents; that she could have a life of her own. The relationship lasted a little less than a year; by the time school rolled around again Tina broke up with Artie, though she believed she had more than just cause to do so after being ignored all summer. Artie played his computer games at home, while she taught music at a camp for Asian kids – the same camp that Mike Chang was teaching dance at. So Tina had traded one boy for another, only to end up with no one after Mike broke her heart.

_Wanting you so,  
I try too much.  
After you go,  
I cry too much._

Tina picked at another white rose, deliberately removing each petal from the center. Holding the pieces in the palm of her right hand, Tina blew them over the balcony, watching them fall like snowflakes over the city of Cincinnati. Over the past few months, she had felt just as adrift as the petals falling down to their untimely fate. Tina released a heavy sigh, pent up from months and months of frustration.

_Love, look away.  
Lonely though I may be,  
Leave me and set me free,  
Look away, look away, look away... from... me._

A small smile formed on Tina's mouth as she considered the possibility of being free from love, free from relationships. She could devote more time to her singing, to her post-graduation plans, to her family, to her friends, to New Directions. Tina lifted her arms high above her head, stretching to the sky. She was finally ready to let go of her anger, frustration, and misguided notions. She was finally free.


End file.
